For Jean
Happy New Year, my fellow Observers! I hope that all of you enjoyed your holiday season, had opportunity to spend some much needed time with your loved ones while taking a moment to look back on another year passing and remember what we learned from it. I'd like to start my year off by offering you all an apology for not writing sooner. As the first of my two most recent articles pointed out, time has a way of getting away from all of us, myself included. Even though I continually scribble notes to myself, save an article or two on the computer in order to read it later, for some reason, lately I haven't been able to find the time to complete a full article. I hope to do better in the coming months. Only time....I suppose, will tell.
As I reflect on the former year passed, I would like to share with you a lesson I was given during it. A lesson concerning assumption, tolerance, compassion and guilt. It is a particular lesson that I believe is taught to all of us at one time or another and is instructed repeatedly throughout our lives. The problem with this lesson is that it is often forgotten almost as quickly as it is learned. Sometimes at the very moment.
For those of you who only know me through my writing, my day job, you know....the one that actually pays me money, is maintenance. Yes, my loyal reader, I fix toilets....toilets, lights, switches, dishwashers, sinks, windows, stoves, doorknobs, outlets, you name it, if they break it, I get called to fix it or replace it. Not particularly my first choice for a lifetime goal, but it's a living.
Working within the service industry, with over eighty families that can call on me anytime (and quite often do) it is not difficult to understand that when someone reaches out to me I usually assume that they require my services. It simply is the nature of my occupation. I'm hardly ever met with just a simple hello. Greetings directed toward me are almost always attached to some type of service required segway. Hello, I'm sorry to bother you, but....I seem to be having a problem with my....I know your busy, but....When you get a chance, could you?....Do you have a minute to look at?.....It's just a never ending vicious cycle of leaky faucets, squeaky hinges, grease filled drain traps, rock salt and pine needles, depending on the season. I've come to accept it as my fate. It's easier that way. Helps to keep me from screaming into my pillow too much before getting up in the morning. I admit I sometimes find myself longing for just a "Hi.... How are you?" or even a plain old nod of acknowledgement would be refreshing once in a while. Hell, I'd settle for a half-hearted wave as long as it involved more than one finger. Please don't misunderstand. I do receive those greetings, one fingered gestures included, they are just infinitely rarer than the requests. I don't take it personally and I don't mind being needed, it's just that it can get overwhelming and frustrating sometimes.
It was, in fact, during one of those moments a few months ago that I was tutored along the beaten path of assumption ending up being suddenly lost in a forest of guilt without a moral compass. Allow me to explain. As I was exiting my truck one day, the son of one of our tenants called out to me from across the parking lot. Being that it was a more than usual aggravating day and that this particular family was one of our more needier renters, I wasn't exactly a font of politeness when I answered back. More to the point, I'm almost positive that the look of "Now what do you want?" on my face could be read from at least a mile away and if my expression didn't give away the disdain I was feeling, I'm more than certain that my tone of voice did.
As the son came closer to me, it became apparent that he was visibly upset. I slowly spiraled from assumption to tolerance. As he got nearer, I could clearly see that he was crying. Tolerance fell away to compassion as I asked him if he was alright....he wasn't. My compassion was soon consumed by guilt as he told me that his mother, a sweet, considerate, kindhearted woman had just passed away. As quickly as he told me, the remorse I felt for reacting the way I did was compounded by the memories of her generous nature. Looking in the dark for hours for a neighbor's lost cat. Insisting on giving a fellow tenant a ride to the Post Office, even though she wasn't going that way. Helping someone in with their groceries no matter what floor they lived on. A "thank you " to me for fixing something in her apartment had to be accompanied by some type of baked good. Being the first one to offer to take care of a pet or look after things while someone was away. Never asking for anything in return. A smile and a thank you were payment enough. It was simply her definition of a good neighbor and she did all she could to emulate it. She was a genuinely selfless person who died far young and I stood ashamed that I had allowed my presumption to dictate my actions that day, as I still do.
As I stated earlier, this is a lesson that I have learned before. Regretful of how I behaved based on an assumption is nothing new to me, nor to anyone else I would imagine. Why don't we learn or rather, remember what we have already learned? Why is it so much easier for us to expect the worst from people instead of their best? Do we try to protect ourselves from being disappointed in one another? Have we become so cynical that we find some kind of justification for the way we act because we anticipate that we will be let down by a friend or postulate that they only want something from us? What if all they want is only our benevolence, our friendship, our shoulder to lean on, someone to just....listen? Isn't that what being human is supposed to be all about?
It has been a tradition for generations that at this time of year we resolve to do something. Take stock in a negative aspect of ourselves and attempt to transform whatever we deem undesirable into a more positive facet of our personal nature. I submit that we attempt to use a broader brush on the pallet of our self improving notions. Take the time to focus our intentions on something greater than our petty nuisances and vices. Why do so many of our resolutions involve just an individual fault or encompass what we feel is a failing quality within our own person? I need to get in shape. I need to eat better. I need to stop smoking. I need to lose weight. I need to quit drinking. I ...I ...I. Perhaps that's why so many resolutions fail. They're too self serving...too self centered. You are the only person you have to answer to when you sneak that treat, skip the gym that morning, light one up or crack that seal. The guilt only falls upon the individual's shortcomings and it's easy to bear. However, making a resolution to be more civil, choose to be more understanding and forgiving, practice more charity and effort more compassion towards another and not only make it, but actually commit to it, holding one's own self accountable. That resolution, if broken, could result in a sting of guilt that cannot be so quickly dismissed as an extra Chips Ahoy! while no one was looking. If our efforts and resolutions reach beyond the scope of individual gain, the betterment of our society will enrich each individual. Strictly an Observation. If you'll excuse me, my assumption that I had enough wine was incorrect.
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